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    December 22

    本色演出 完美谢幕

     
        我不再费力去寻找一些问题的答案,在很多人看来我放弃了,也许。他可以给我想要的答案却没办法给我想要的结果,只是,那个结果才是我想要的答案。我又梦见了那个长久以来未曾忘记的面孔,奇怪的情节,我要的结果。于是在我睁开眼睛想要看清楚的时候却又灰飞湮灭。破败了的记忆终归不留痕迹。
     
        很多时候我会一个人去看电影,又很多时候电影院里面不到十个人。这两种情况经常让我同时遇到。我专注于情节,专注于表情,却忽略结局。最完美的结局一定有一个不够完美的过程。对,遗憾所致。连续很多天我坐同一班车,又连续很多天遇见坐在同一个位置的同一个男人。他总是穿着同一件衣服睡在那里,身边放着同一个包。他做什么我不知道,脸上的胡茬让我分辨不清他的年龄。他也从不知道我的存在。这样也好,没人注意到我。
     
        再次头痛的问题又出现。我不懂拒绝却又不想接受,让我时常矛盾着。其实归根结底是我找不到拒绝的理由,因为善良。我想起了几个月前的那个疯子,我的极端拒绝只因为他的不善良。很多事情有时候不需要拖很久才揭晓答案。于是我想到了你的答案,即使不说我早已知道,宿命。我在惧怕着,惧怕拒绝那个善良的人,所以我很担心他会说出来,然后我用不知所措来回答。我依旧喜欢紧张又忙碌的生活,个人空间变得岌岌可危,却又没有完全泯灭,于是我还是在期望一些事情的发生。
     
        我发现其实自己一直在追求想要的生活,想要的东西,很疲倦却又很快乐,也许在这个过程中会出现很多个小插曲,不过在曲终人散之后生活继续,目标鲜红,依旧高唱凯歌迈开大步向前走,不再停留。
       
        无论情节怎样,本色演出,完美谢幕!
     
     

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